Let’s talk about feet.
I hate feet. Feet are the most revolting part of a
person’s body to me. My sister does
pretty much everything lying down so if you’re going to sit on the same couch
as her to watch TV, there are going to be feet near you. Fortunately, since we’ve lived together for
26 years, I have already established my older sister dominance and Meagan knows
that touching me with her feet, even by accident, will almost certainly result
in a swift punch in the thigh. Even
Julian, though I love him infinitely, knows not to bring his feet anywhere near
me.
When it comes to my feet,
it’s kind of a love-hate relationship.
Firstly, my feet are ultra narrow, bony and thin. As a child, I was forever nailing the two
bumps on the outside of my feet on a variety of objects, and don’t get me
started on trying to find shoes that fit me.
Unless it was a closed shoe, I always had sand and stones and nonsense
getting in my shoes from the gaping holes on either side of my foot.
Secondly, my toes are
hairy. One the hand, I don’t mind it
because I am one step (ha!) closer to being a Hobbit. On the other hand, ew. When I remember (which is very rarely), I
just use my little hair trimmer (I call it my “bzzzt machine”) and just trim
the hair off, because I love Hobbits and most things Martin Freeman, but
definitely not on my own body. Besides, I
feel like I’d be an elf in Middle Earth; more specifically, Legolas’ wife. Yes, please!
Thirdly, my feet are
ultra-sensitive. I will never get over
the first time I met my youngest sister, Michelle, and she went hiking up a
mountain in Rustenburg barefoot, while I can’t walk from my bed to the bathroom
without shoes on. I am barefoot in bed
and in the bath. That is it. I can’t bare the feeling of anything else.
I pretty much live in my
black leather pumps from Woolworths. I
buy a new pair every Christmas and then wear them the whole year, almost every
day. I prefer them to sandals (partially
because of my hairy toes) and swop them out for my Nikes in winter. Needless to say, they don’t exactly leave my
feet smelling fantastic on hot summer days, but my feet will come out of the
pump, into the Nike for gym, and then into the bath. It’s not a huge issue for me. (BTW, these Nikes are my absolute favourite
pair I have ever bought – I will always be in love with the gold chevron and
swoosh!)
When it comes to taking care
of my feet, I’m not as pedantic as I am about my skin, for instance. It is, also, one of my biggest beauty
stumbling blocks. I have 20% vision in my
right eye and about 80% vision in my left eye, which means while I don’t really
need glasses permanently at the moment, my depth perception is just slightly
impaired. I wear distance glasses for driving and reading
glasses though. However, because of my eyesight
(and severe inflexibility), my feet are at just the distance that is too close
for my distance glasses and too far for my reading glasses. I am, therefore, incapable of cutting my own
toenails. At present, I happily rely on my mommy, who has been cutting them for
the last 26 years anyway, because pedicures are not a priority spend for
me.
If I paint my toenails
(which is strictly for summer since my feet don’t see the light of day between
April and August), I do it all at home.
Let me be perfectly clear in saying that there is never going to be a
tutorial on this, since I cannot see shit (as previously described). Basically, if I’m doing it on my own, I try
to get as much of the nail varnish on my toenails and then clean up with an
earbud soaked in acetone. This too is a
mission because I have to feel for the nail before I clean up the
outside. To make it a bit easier, I
usually have a bath right after I paint my toenails (when they’re completely
dry) and I scrub my toes with my loofer or a nail brush to remove nail varnish
from my skin. Realistically, I only do
this because I know at some stage it’s going to get too hot for my leather
pumps or I’m going to go swimming with my Little Person and then people are
going to see my feet. Essence has an
affordable line of nail varnishes in pretty much every colour. My favourite for summer right now is a light
blue shade called Itsy Bitsy Blue Bikini, with a lick of glitter polish (that I
bought from Jet for literally R5.00) and the Essence gel topcoat.
The things I do make time
for are my heels. I remember going to my
previous hairdresser and one of the other hairdressers in the shop had cracks
as deep as the San Andreas fault in her heels.
Now, I do understand that she spends hours on her feet during the day
and it would be unreasonable to expect any hairdresser’s feet to be in perfect
condition, but this is South Africa: you can buy a pumice stone at the robots,
for goodness’ sake. My mommy bought me
the Scholl Velvet Smooth electronic foot file for Christmas last year and my
heels have never been so baby soft (except, of course, for when I was a baby). I also get calluses on the sides of my big
toes (since my feet are so narrow and my big toes hold on for dear life inside
my shoes), as well as on the soles of my feet, and this little tool works
amazingly. If you’re a weightlifter,
they also work a charm on hand calluses (because gloves are for sissies!).
I know my feet routine is
probably the least attractive thing you’ve read all day, but I know that
somewhere, out there in the universe, is someone who is exactly like me or
there’s someone who honestly has zero time for pedicures of any kind. Unless you’re a foot model (or fetishest, in
which case, I think you’re lost), your feet are purely designed to take you
places. You don’t need an amazing pedi
to have beautiful feet: just keep your heels in good condition, your toenails
cut and your feet clean (and your toe hair shaved).
Be sure to follow me on
Instagram (@justcallmemuffins), where I post more makeup looks and the products
I used to achieve the looks. My Facebook
page (www.facebook.com/justcallmemuffinss) is
primarily where I promote these posts, but I share a heap of makeup memes and
pictures of giraffes (my favourite things).
Wishing you all the love and
light in the universe until next week! ♡♡♡